


Burn Me Up

by 2ne4 (17826)



Series: Good Death [3]
Category: Big Bang (Band), 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Angst, Brotp gdyb, Dramatic ending by accident lol, I Miss You So Bad (Ikon Song), Mentions of taengsic and todae, Mentions of the yg family and specifically ikon, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:24:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5786737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17826/pseuds/2ne4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jiyong is having trouble with a song, and Youngbae doesn't know what to do.</p>
<p>Contradicts nothing known as of 22/01/2016.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burn Me Up

Jiyong's phone buzzed again against the desk, and Youngbae tried not to be too obvious as he strained to read the name on the screen. Before he could make out the tiny letters, however, Jiyong distractedly picked it up and his face showed no emotion as he read and replied, as it had not been doing for the past few hours. Either it was the world's most boring conversation, or he was hiding something.

Jiyong replaced his phone and hit the space bar, starting the same loop he'd been working on for a day and a half now. He stared down at the lyric sheet in front of him, almost black with scribbles and edits, and sang along under his breath for a few bars before breaking off, frustration held in the crease of his eyebrows as he shut off the music once more. His phone buzzed again. Youngbae couldn't hold back his curiosity anymore.

 

"Is that Seungri?" He asked, trying to sound like he was making conversation for conversation's sake.

"Nah." Jiyong replied shortly, scrubbing a hand over his face once he'd typed a quick message. Youngbae's heart sank; Jiyong rarely texted people when he could ignore them, it was one of the few ways the introvert in him became evident, and so if it wasn't Seungri he was texting, it was either Kiko or a developing obsession. If he was texting kiko, the whole cycle would start again, and if he was texting someone else at this hour, that only meant he was trying to sleep with them. He didn't know which idea he preferred.

"Eager replies like that, I thought it must be the maknae," Youngbae wondered how much longer he could keep prying for information. "He never texts me back as fast as he texts you."

"Don't take it personally Youngbae." Jiyong's voice was raw from lack of sleep, and a stubbly beard was starting to evidence itself on his chin. With the album deadline in flux, this was only stage one in the creative process, but nevertheless Youngbae was on watch for any kind of dilated pupils or grinding teeth. Touring had not helped Jiyong escape his vices, but maybe this rest back in Seoul could. Youngbae gave up on subtlety.

"So who is it then, if not eager Lee Seunghyun?" Jiyong looked like he wasn't going to answer, but when his phone vibrated between them, it lit up before he could snatch it away. "Nam Taehyun? Jiyong, please tell me you're not..."

"...Not what?"Jiyong tried to sound innocent, but Youngbae had watched him lie for too many years to be fooled. To his well practised ear, guilt stood out like a sore thumb.

"Jiyong, the boy's barely legal. He's just too young, and besides that's just too messy for his group. They all worship you."

"Not Seunghoon," Jiyong replied stubbornly. "Besides, who says I'm trying to sleep with him?"

Youngbae only answered that with a dark look before speaking again, deciding direct speech would work best. "Stop stringing Seungri along Jiyong, it's not fair. You've gone too far now."

Jiyong let out a derisive snort. "Like fuck am I, Youngbae. You know as well as I do, he's just clingy. He does this every few months, it'll pass-"

"It passes when we force him to move on. It returns when you run out of distractions and start to bat your eyelashes at him again, Jiyong. If I'm this tired of it, God only knows how Seungri himself must feel."

"God only knows, yeah right. I know how Seungri feels."

"Isn't that just the same difference to you?" Youngbae said before he could stop himself. He flinched, but the punch he was half-expecting never came. The complete lack of reaction from Jiyong was almost worse. Youngbae felt like crying; he'd never meant to add himself to Jiyong's growing list of people who thought he was a megalomaniac, but it was too late now. He could almost see the list tacked to the studio wall besides them, reading: one, Kiko; two, Dami; three, Youngbae; four, the rest of the world; and then added as a postscript, five, not Seungri.

Jiyong continued as if nothing had been said. "Seungri thinks he loves me. He doesn't, he's just infatuated. Or rather he does love me, but not the way he thinks he does." His voice was deadly calm and Youngbae wanted to interject, protest for Seungri's right to decide that himself, but Jiyong's tone left no room for argument. "He'll find someone someday who will teach him that for good, and he won't need me like this anymore. I made peace with that five years ago, now it's just a question of when. But its good for fanservice and I think I'm a god anyway, so what's the difference if I try and hold onto what I can until it's gone? You're not the only one who's tired."

His phone buzzed again, and he checked it absently, replacing it without replying. He then looked down at the lyrics sheet and scribbled a few more lines in the margins, reached for the mouse to close down the computer and stood up. Youngbae watched as he shut down the studio, switch by switch until only the lights remained.

"This song's not going to work now. I'll look again when I've slept." Jiyong said shortly. "Let's go sleep, I'll crash at yours so you don't spend all night worrying I'm ruining YG's stocks with more drugs." That broke Youngbae's silence as he let out a soft breath of relief and humour. His smile was not returned by Jiyong.

"I apologise." He said formally, not offering any explanation because he knew Jiyong would find them all unsatisfactory. That he said it at all betrayed his doubts, and Jiyong would be insulted if he tried to dismiss that. As it was, Jiyong all but ignored his apology, only acknowledging it in the softening of his posture and the holding of the door as they filled out of the studio.

 

When Youngbae woke the next day after a long sleep, catching up on two nights rest in one, it was to the smell of cinnamon and warm dough. He rose and went to the kitchen, pulling on a hoodie as he went, and was greeted by the familiar sight of a sleep-mussed Jiyong pouring over his lyrics sheet. Without looking up, he pushed a small paper bag towards Youngbae across the counter, and Youngbae took one of the hoddeok as the peace offering it had always represented for them. Between them, they ate the sugary treats without speaking, and Youngbae made them coffee which they also drank in silence. Almost an hour passed this way, wordlessly sharing food, before Jiyong put down his pen and lent back on his stool. He looked at Youngbae, his eyes sleepy but bright, and for the first time in weeks, he looked like he had slept for more than two consecutive hours.

"Could you check this out? I can't work out who should match what part." He sighed, evidently frustrated with himself. All thought of what Youngbae had said yesterday was seemingly gone.

"Sure man," Youngbae murmured, not willing to break the quiet atmosphere. He scanned over the lyric sheet Jiyong passed over, and listened as he started to sing small snatches of melody for each section. Jiyong's voice was always slightly softer when he had slept well, but it was clear the song was disorganised and the lyrics messy. They didn't seem to know what they were talking about often, as if they were trying to tell two conflicting stories at once. He tried to repeat back the first few lines of the chorus, but even to his own ears, it didn't sound right. "It's very... Heartbroken." He offered.

"Aish, its no good," Jiyong scoffed, snatching back the paper. "It's too much trouble, if I don't get it down..." He trailed off, realising there was not yet any external pressure he could pin his sleepless nights on, but refusing to admit that they were for his own artistic expression.

"Who's it about?" Prompted Youngbae, carefully watching his hands as he folded the empty paper bag. He could feel Jiyong's eyes on his hands too.

"Kiko, probably, and Sean and Hyeyoung. And a little bit Jieun, also Taehyun, Hyolyn, Bom. Maybe Seungri." He listed, quickly glossing over the last name. "When Seunghyun writes his own rap, no doubt it'll be about Daesung too. And sorry about the Hyolyn thing, I just... You know me, no separation of art and life." He offered a wry smile.

Youngbae nodded and lingered on nothing, stopping himself before he could repeat yesterday's performance. "That's a lot of people for one song."

"There's always a lot of people in every song. Well, at least two. Three if Seunghyun writes as well."

"And one of those is always Kiko?"

"...yeah, I guess. Usually."

"Sounds tiring, having your heart broken by so many people at once."

"It also sells records." Jiyong slid off his stool and put his empty mug next to the sink. "I'm going to shower and then I'll take it to Teddy-hyung, see what he can do." Youngbae nodded and stood as well. "Thanks, 'Bae, I'm... Thanks."

"Thanks for the hoddeok." He replied, knowing Jiyong would understand what he meant. Jiyong's answering smile confirmed it.

 

Later that day, when he returned to the studio, he was bowled over with a hug from a grinning Jiyong, one he returned with a laugh.

"Teddy-hyung worked his magic with the song then, I take it?"

"Nah," Jiyong replied, his voice the unique blend of pride and relief he only got from finishing a song. "I never made it to Teddy. On the way over, I was thinking about what you said about having too many people in one song, and I realised I was writing two songs at once. So I split them up, now there's one about Kiko and one about Seu- uh, about other people." He corrected himself, glancing at the staff members barely out of hearing range.

"Awesome, man," Youngbae's heart glowed, Jiyong's pride infectious. "Are either of then ready to see?"

"One of them is ready to release," Jiyong replied. "I gifted it to the ikon boys."

For a second, Youngbae was speechless. "Does the president know you've done that?" The noise Jiyong gave in response could only be classed as a giggle. Exasperated, Youngbae shook his head. "Let's hear it then. Is it the one for Kiko or for.... For not Kiko?"

"You can work it out, I'm sure." Said Jiyong, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the recording studio, where he was met by seven frantic bows and was pulled onto the sofa which he was sure was not meant for nine people. Jiyong pressed the space bar to play the track, and really it wasn't hard to work out.

 

***

 

"Thank you!" Rang out Seungri's voice over the loudspeaker. "Travel home safely everyone, thank you!"

Everyone else echoed his thanks, and they filed off the stage, bowing to countless staff members as they walked back to their dressing room. Youngbae laughed along as Daesung tripped over his own feet, almost pulling Seungri down with him, and watched Jiyong closely for any sign his amusement was masking something else. As they reached their door, he heard a familiar voice, polite but firm.

"Taeyang-ssi?" Taeyeon stood her ground as all the members turned at his name. "May I speak with you?" She held eye contact with him, and he bowed automatically.

"Of course," he replied, matching her formal tone and following her to an empty dressing room down the hallway, feeling Jiyong's eyes on him all the while. She closed the door behind them.

"You performed well today," he said, when she remained silent. "Congratulations on the success of your solo debut, Taeyeon-ssi." His tongue felt strange on the formal words, having known her for almost a decade, but he had never been alone with her before and so was following the rules she set.

"Thank you, congratulations on your own awards." She replied, and fell silent once more. Stuck for things to say, Youngbae fidgeted, hoping she hadn't pulled him into a cupboard just to stare at him. "May I talk openly?" She finally continued.

He almost sagged in relief. "Of course," he said hastily, "what is it?"

She spoke as if her words were learnt off by heart, obviously chosen and considered. "It's about Big Bang. I don't think telling GD-sunbaenim would help, or I would have gone to him. It seems to me that sometimes you are more the leader than he is anyway." She paused again, as if measuring his reaction to her words. "It might not be news to you, but I thought it best I spoke up, just in case."

When she stopped again, a seed of worry took hold in Youngbae's heart. In his experience, she was a very intelligent and strong willed woman, not leant to censoring her words. "Please, speak freely." He reiterated.

"I don't mean for you to take me the wrong way, so know I am saying this out of concern for the members involved." She said slowly. "I know you would not judge them for it because Big Bang has more than one member with a certain reputation, but before the show started, I walked in on Daesung-ssi and Seungri-ssi when I went into the wrong dressing room," Youngbae's heart dropped at the clear euphemism in her words. "I don't think they saw me, but I was not surprised. I only mention it because such a situation has resulted in severe consequences for our group before, and I would not want to see the same happen to yours."

Youngbae's mind was working at a million miles an hour, mapping out the last few weeks in his head, her words making sudden sense of the strange absences and Daesung's fast improvement, and trying desperately to work out what Jiyong and Seunghyun knew.

"Is it obvious?" He asked, before he remembered who he was talking to. He was grateful when she merely smiled at his informal language.

"Yes." She said simply. "But then, most people would write it off as fanservice. Only those who have lived the difference could tell."

He let apathy wash over him for a few seconds, with the prospect of navigating this situation exhausting, before he gathered himself.

"Thank you for telling me, Taeyeon-ssi," he said with a bow. "I appreciate your discretion in this matter."

"It is assured." She inclined her head and opened the door once more, forcing him to follow her out into the now empty corridor and not wallow in the problem. It almost made him smile that her leader qualities were so intrinsic that even he wasn't exempt. As she started to walk away, he couldn't help but call out.

"If you don't mind me asking," he said, "what was the incident for your group?"

She turned back, a sad smile on her lips and sudden bitterness in her voice. "If men weren't so blind, you wouldn't have to ask. No, if you don't know, I won't tell you what the incident was." He felt his cheeks colour and she seemed to take pity. "But you know the consequences. I had to pretend to date a man for two years, and Jessica left. The idol life is not kind to matters of the heart. Goodbye, Taeyang-ssi." She bowed and walked quickly away, seeming small and young under the florescent strip lights. Her short hair suited her, he decided.

He turned back to the dressing room door and knew it was all about to get very complicated. He went in.

**Author's Note:**

> This took an unexpected turn haha ~ as always , I have tried to not contradict anything known to be true , but if u spot a mistake just gimme a shout and I'll try and fix it ^^ thanks x


End file.
